Q: Am I an out-of-town guest?

We're glad you asked. Here is the official definition, for Mike and Diane's Fabulous Wedding (MDFW), of what makes you an OTG.
  • First, ask yourself the question "Am I related to Mike or Diane in any obvious way?" If the answer is yes, chances are that you fall under the category of family and, though you may, in fact, be from out-of-town, you are not, by the strict definition in use by MDFW, an OTG.

  • Second, do you live in town? And here we will generously define town as anywhere within the county of Los Angeles. Again, if the answer is yes but was no to the first question, you count as an in-town-guest. And we are happy to have you nearby.

  • OK, if you've answered no to both of those questions you might officially count as an OTG, but here's the stickler: are you staying in a hotel while you are visiting Pasadena? If the answer is no, you are not a MDFW OTG. "But wait!" you object, "I am a guest, and I am from out-of-town, therefore I am an out-of-town guest and thus an OTG." Though that logic is impeccable, it gets you nowhere in our book, bub. Official OTG status, and rights and responsibilities that accompany it, demand complete displacement from your or any other potentially pleasant home. In addition, the bride and groom reserve the right to make final and completely arbitrary decisions about your precise official status (and about anything else related to the wedding. In fact, they regularly make such arbitrary decisions. One of them thinks the other makes them more arbitrarily, but the other thinks it's the other way around).